I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
