I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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