We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
