You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize