I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
