Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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