I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
