i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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