why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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