Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
