there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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