it was like his penis was on wheels.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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