my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
