Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
