There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
