It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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