the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
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