It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
