I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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