I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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