She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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