I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
