she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
