Define "chronic" masturbator.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Couch. On fire.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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