I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
