I hate your face
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize