Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
