i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
