I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
