eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
