If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
