So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
