According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
