His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
