so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
