When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
