He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
