google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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