He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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