dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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