Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
