my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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