The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
