My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
