can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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