You just made me feel so damn special
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
