Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Found your dick twin last night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Randomize
