A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
