You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
