I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
