I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
