i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
