dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
