Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
