you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
