Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
