why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
