But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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