You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
