I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
