At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
