He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
