Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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