Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
