YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
