She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
