hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
