I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
